George Carlin, Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers?George Carlin, Electricity is really just organized lightningGeorge Carlin, Would a fly without wings be called a walk?George Carlin, There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts. died on June 22, 2008, George Denis Patrick Carlin was an American stand-up comedian, social critic, actor, and author. } catch (err) { The planet is fine. Manage Settings Carlin certainly aimed to provoke, but its the why and how of it that made him so exceptional. When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. Continue with Recommended Cookies. We dont even know how to take care of ourselves; we havent learned how to care for one another. I hate groups of people. Hes not a cheese. One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim. ' George Carlin, 56. I love individuals. George Carlin was one of the most well-known and beloved comedians of all time. Keep in mind, the news media are not independent; they are a sort of bulletin board and public relations firm for the ruling class-the people who run things. googletag.cmd = googletag.cmd || []; And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn't want you to do. George Carlin has many famous quotes about government, education and the American dream that are often referenced as truth. setDisplayBids: function() {}, Nothing changed.George Carlin, Well, if crime fighters fight crime and firefighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight?George Carlin, I think its the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately. I have certain rules I live by. If I can be of any help to you on your journey I'll do my best. Weve added years to life, not life to years. People who say they dont care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they dont care what people think. George Carlin, 28. Carlin was noted for his black comedy and his thoughts on politics, the English language, psychology, religion, and various taboo subjects. var cookiePair = cookie.split('='); "Men are from Earth,. My first rule: I don't believe anything the government tells me. Thats the only thing keeping it and expanding it wherever possible. George Carlin, 57. "Governments don't want a population capable of critical thinking, they want obedient workers, people just smart enough to run the machines and just dumb enough to passively accept their situation." George Carlin Read more quotes from George Carlin Share this quote: Like Quote Recommend to friends Friends Who Liked This Quote googletag.pubads().setTargeting("signedin", "false"); Dont just teach your children to read Teach your children to question what they read, teach them to question everything. They own you. Governments don't want a population capable of critical thinking, they want obedient workers, people just smart enough to run the machines and just dumb enough to passively accept their situation.You have no choice. var gads = document.createElement("script"); } October 29, 2004. To me, authority is something that a freer spirit, a more independent mind, and a person who can handle the world, doesnt need guidance from. Witty George Carlin Quotes 1. George Carlin 'Political correctness is fascism pretending to be manners.' Quotes are added by the Goodreads community and are not verified by Goodreads. var useSSL = "https:" == document.location.protocol; Laugh until you gasp for breath." - George Carlin 3. Theyre all in favour of the unborn. If you cant beat them, arrange to have them beaten. It takes up a lot of your time. apstag.init({ Property is theft. Each one of them has an entire hologram of the universe somewhere within them. George Carlin, 34. The middle class pays all of the taxis, does all of the work. They want obedient workers, people who are just smart enough to run the machines and do the paperwork. The people are f***ed. Some people see the glass half full, others see it half empty. !function(){function n(n,t){var r=i(n);return t&&(r=r("instance",t)),r}var r=[],c=0,i=function(t){return function(){var n=c++;return r.push([t,[].slice.call(arguments,0),n,{time:Date.now()}]),i(n)}};n._s=r,this.csa=n}(); //]]>. I hate groups of people. Its totally FREE. Keep in mind, the news media are not independent; they are a sort of bulletin board and public relations firm for the ruling class-the people who run things. [CDATA[ Conservatives say if you dont give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. Im not sure thats the way to fight discrimination. George Carlin, Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.George Carlin, I, myself, have killed six people. The reason I talk to myself is that Im the only one whose answers I accept.George Carlin. We can afford to cut defense; we cant afford to cut education. Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breaths away. googletag.cmd.push(function() { Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? George Carlin, 41. for(var i=0; i - George Carlin quotes. Be happy with what youve got, because the owners of this country dont want that. Here are some of our favorite George Carlin quotes on politics. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Heres all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. The late great comedian George Carlin has many great quotes about life and society, here are some of them. You get kicked out when youre too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. Are these people kidding? Every day we present the best quotes! The planet is fine. The Catholic Church alone could wipe out the national debt if all you did was tax their real estate.George Carlin, In America, anyone can become president. }, A comedian can say things that you may not want to hear but need to. They spend billions of dollars every year lobbying, lobbying, to get what they want. Life is a zero sum game. George Carlin, 36. Some people have no idea what theyre doing, and a lot of them are really good at it. George Carlin, 42. You know how I define the economic and social classes in this country? Im completely in favour of the separation of Church and State. I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loathe and despise the groups they identify with and belong to.George Carlin,Brain Droppings, THINGS YOU NEVER HEAR: Please stop sucking my dick or Ill call the police. George Carlin,Brain Droppings, Some people have no idea what theyre doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.George Carlin, Some people see things that are and ask, Why?Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not?Some people have to go to work and dont have time for all that.George Carlin, Meow means woof in cat.George Carlin. Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music. George Carlin, 4. But there is an I in independence, individuality, and integrity. Tom, Id like you to meet the girl of my dreams, Tragedy. These days, Trajedi. George Carlin,Brain Droppings, It turned out I was pretty good in science. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. a[a9] = { if (sourcesToHideBuyFeatures[i] == source) window.Mobvious = {}; So arrogant. And probably increase.George Carlin, And heres something else, another problem you might have: Suppose your prayers arent answered. "Laugh often, long and loud. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure.George Carlin, Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink,I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuckGeorge Carlin, I tried to believe that there is a God, who created each of us in His own image and likeness, loves us very much, and keeps a close eye on things. The Grammy-Award-winning star of 14stand-up comedy specials on HBO taught us the power of words and how a person can use humor as a weapon. 50 The Alchemist Quotes To Make You Follow Your Dreams, 195 Best Cobra Kai Quotes (Seasons 1 5), 70 Attack On Titan Quotes That Will Inspire Greatness, 37 The Lion King Quotes Filled With Powerful Life Lessons, Your email address will not be published. Theres a humorous side to every situation. They own all the important land. And fight songs. People forget there is such a thing as memory, and that when a wound heals it leaves a permanent scar that never goes away, but merely fades a little. We hope these George Carlin quotes on life, religion and government will make you smile as well as share some important facts with you. googletag.pubads().setTargeting("gr_author", "false"); And apparently Im not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.George Carlin, Im completely in favor of theseparation of Church and State. These two institutions screw us up enoughon their own, so both of them together iscertain death.George Carlin, I dont have pet peeves I have major psychotic fucking hatreds.George Carlin, I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Wheres the self-help section? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.George Carlin, If your kid needs a role model and you aint it, youre both fucked. George Carlin,Brain Droppings, Its important in life if you dont give a shit. Men are often so foolish as to boast and value themselves upon their passions, even those that are most vicious. Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? I think that speaks for itself. Born: May 12, 1937. The people are fucked! George Carlin, 80. If you can connect with theseGeorge Carlin quotes, subscribe to our blog so that you dont miss a single post. A flag is supposed to represent everything that a country does. throw new Error("could not load device-specific stylesheet : " + err.message); Hes just sayin that stuff. Good. ", Follow AzQuotes on Facebook, Twitter and Google+. People are wonderful. I think TV remotes should have a button that allows you to kill the person on the screen. return null; When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. Careful, if you think too much, theyll take you away. I look at war a little. A.src = t; We havent tried that for a while. The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions. George Carlin, 87. That's the problem. The politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. If youre born in America you get a front row seat.George Carlin, Dont sweat the petty things and dont pet the sweaty things.George Carlin, If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.George Carlin,Napalm & Silly Putty. A = p.createElement(s); They will do anything for the unborn. In this blog post, weve compiled some of his most compelling quotes on the subject for you to consider as well! Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. stylesheet.href = url; How is it possible to have a civil war?George Carlin, When I ask how old your toddler is, I dont need to hear 27 months. Hes two will do just fine. Tell people theres an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Political correctness is Americas newest form of intolerance, and it is especially pernicious because it comes disguised as tolerance. Political correctness is Americas newest form of intolerance, and it is especially pernicious because it comes disguised as tolerance. Toothpicks?George Carlin, No matter how you care to define it, I do not identify with the local group. he must of been a brilliant man mostly misunderstood by most people wish i would of met him in person one on one, 51 Best John Muir Quotes On Nature, Mountains, Trees, 50 To Kill A Mockingbird Atticus Quotes With Page Numbers, Happy Birthday Nephew Images With Quotes, Wishes, Messages, Happy Birthday Daughter Images With Quotes, Wishes, Messages, Good Morning Happy Monday Images With Quotes, Wishes, Cute & Romantic Happy Birthday Love Images For Him, Her, Happy Birthday Dog Images With Quotes For Your Puppy, Happy Birthday Niece Images With Wishes, Messages, Quotes, Depression Quotes Images | Feeling Sad Pictures, Wallpaper, Happy Birthday Son Images With Quotes, Wishes, Messages, Happy Birthday Husband Images With Quotes, Wishes, Messages For Hubby, Good Morning Quotes Images To Make Your Day Beautiful. Disclaimer: As an Amazon Associate We earn from qualifying purchases. Laugh often, long and loud. George Carlin was posthumously awarded the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor in 2008, after he passed away that year at the age of 71. Quotes, 60 Confidence Quotes to Help You Understand Your Self-Worth, Chris Evans Inspiring Quotes on Happiness, Success, and Being Laser Focused on Love, Strangers Spring Into Action to Save a Driver in Crisis on a Busy Road [VIDEO], 8-Year-Old Finds Out His Favorite Waffle House Waiter Is Hiding a Secret Doesnt Hesitate to Raise $64,000 for Him, White Woman Refuses to Listen to Dad After He Forbid Her From Marrying a Black Man 60 Years Later, Theyre Still Together, Kansas City Chiefs Fans Donate Over $300,000 to Buffalo Childrens Hospital After Dramatic Playoff Win Versus Rivals. Stand-Up Comedy. If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. }); //]]> Governments dont want a population capable of critical thinking, they want obedient workers, people just smart enough to run the machines and just dumb enough to passively accept their situation. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. George Carlin, 49. //=0){return}if("ue_https" in e){f=e.ue_https}else{f=e.location&&e.location.protocol=="https:"?1:0}i=f? That is against their interests. Aw, hes a comedian. A good motto to live by: Always try not to get killed. The less said about it the better. George Carlin, 38. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? Because theres no money in that problem. googletag.pubads().setTargeting("resource", "author_22782"); Every now and then you find yourself in a different place. Theres a humorous side to every situation. The upper class keeps all of the money, pays none of the taxes. The challenge is to find it. George Carlin, 17. (function () { var cookies = document.cookie.split('; '); A Death! One can never know for sure what a deserted area can look like. The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. George Carlin, 13. George Carlin. George Carlin, The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. var ue_furl = "fls-na.amazon.com"; It seems only right. Tell people an invisible man in the sky created all things, they believe you. Enjoy! session: { id: "334-5362882-2183381" }, They all said: 'Try to live together peacefully.' It creates a hostile work environment. George Carlin, 65. "Forget the politicians. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience. George Carlin, 2. Never argue with an idiot. If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, youre going to have selfish, ignorant leaders. George Carlin, 73. He was the second onComedy Centrals list of top 10 American comedians in 2004, posthumously awarded theMark Twain Prize for American Humor in 2008, and ranked second in number on the list of the 50 best stand-up comedians of all time by Rolling Stonemagazine in 2017. Because you have the illusion of choice! George Carlin, 76. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. Im always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize Im listening to it. Deal with it. These George Carlin funny quotes on religion, government, and stupid people will make you laugh as well as think about things deeply.